Puppy Love

I’ve come to understand why they take pets to visit people in nursing homes, and why people who own pets live longer than those who don’t. Yes, I’ve been struck by Puppy Love.

We’ve always had cats around the house and in general I still prefer cats. They take care of themselves, they are very clean and they don’t slobber. I do hate the litter box, but that’s a small thing. The one thing I could wish is that they were more affectionate. We’ve had the occasional friendly cat, but for the most part ours have been typically aloof. I’ve heard all the suggestions and claims that the earlier a cat is handled, the friendlier it will be and can tell you scientifically and empirically: it ain’t so! We have had some mother cats who had twice or even thrice annual litters, and with four children in the house, you better believe they were handled almost from Day One. But our percentage of affectionate felines is no higher, and perhaps much lower, than anyone else’s. Sigh.

I’m pretty picky about dogs, on the other hand. For me to like a dog, it has to be small to medium sized (no miniatures, please), short-haired, and clean around the mouth so it doesn’t have spittle on its chops all the time! I would prefer a breed which gets along with cats (not a hunter) and is quiet.

We got Chester, a 3y.o. dachshund, from homegoing missionaries about a year and a half ago. He is small, short-haired, and does not drool (check, check, check). But dachshunds are hunting dogs, so he has chased off all our cats. And he does bark a lot.

But I can live with that because he is so affectionate and cuddly and cute! He came into our Empty Nest and filled my mother’s heart with joy. Corny, I know, but besides being away at boarding school, college and work most of the time, my children are at an age when they don’t like to hug much. It’s just not their Love Language… but it’s mine and I miss it terribly! So Chester is filling that hole in my heart. He’s poorly trained and disobedient, and before we had him neutered he ran off all the time, but he has calmed down a lot since then, and will do almost anything for a cookie.

There's no place like home... but where is it???

           My son asked me recently if after 25 years in Mali, I’m more comfortable here than in the U.S. He was surprised to hear that America is still my comfort zone, for he feels the opposite.

I’ve been thinking about what factors contribute to both our feelings.

For me, the amount of time spent in Mali comprises half my life, but the formative half was spent elsewhere. By the time I moved to Africa, my personality, habits, and worldview were firmly established. Furthermore, it’s not as if I moved to Mali and stayed here. My missionary career has been punctuated by frequent visits back home which has maintained my attachment there and probably compromised my bond with my adopted homeland.

Also, I have lived as an American in West Africa. Although I have contact with Malians every day, I don’t live like they do. If you came into my house, it would be very familiar to you, with running water, flush toilet and the usual kitchen appliances. We have TV and our kids have a Game Cube. We only got regular electricity 11 years ago, but before that we had solar panels and batteries. Should I feel guilty for that? I don’t because in my case it has been the key to my longevity here. I don’t know long I could have stood “roughing it” in a Malian lifestyle. One friend compared this to running a marathon vs. a sprint. The sprinter puts in his all for a short distance and then quits, because he is finished. The long-distance runner must conserve his resources in order to arrive at the Finish Line. Short term workers may “go native” and immerse themselves totally in the culture. It’s harder for career missionaries to do so if they want to last. (I want to note here that I know career missionaries who are much more immersed in the local culture than I am, and I have the utmost admiration for them. I am simply stating my personal limitations.)

For these reasons, I am still much more American than Malian and look forward to retiring in the USA.

Benjamin, on the other hand, says he is much more comfortable in Mali. There are good reasons for this as well: his formative years have been spent here. The USA is a place to visit.  Even though he has lived there a year or more at a time, we have rarely returned to the same home and he never attended the same school a second time until he went to Dakar Academy. No wonder three of my four children have declared their intention to live and work overseas as adults. This is typical of Third Culture Kids.

However, I have to add, with all due respect to Benjamin, that the Mali he relates to is no more the Mali of the Malian people than mine is. He is a true Third Culture Kid, with elements of both American and Malian cultures in his make-up. He is probably more comfortable than I am in a village and he tolerates the heat better, but he grew up in an American home and enjoys all the trappings of our culture as well.

        Having said all that, I haven’t even gone into the whole thing of how MKs can never answer the question, “Where do you come from?” Should they give their passport country or the place they grew up; Mom’s hometown, or Dad’s? Because they have spent so many years at boarding school, my kids aren’t always sure whether to say Mali or Senegal.

Quote of the Week... on Childhood

When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. That is why we dread children; even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay.

-Brian W. Aldiss

What do you think?

TWENTY-FIVE and STAYIN' ALIVE!

DH & I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary Sept. 25 (we were in Dakar for a conference and to visit our kids, hence the belated post). Yay for us! We took the kids out to dinner and also invited the Ericksons, who met & married the same year we did (also joined the mission with us, Bill & Jim in '79, Becky & I in '82). I gave a corny little tribute to each of my kids. I know wedding anniversaries are about the parents, but face it, if we hadn't gotten married they wouldn't be here, and they have been (and continue to be) a major highlight of our lives for the past quarter-century!

I read a piece recently called "Married Today, Gone Tomorrow" by Janice Shaw Crouse which makes me even more thankful to the Lord for the longevity of our marriage. According to statistics, "If you married before 1950, the chances are your marriage lasted at least 15 years, probably 25 and likely even longer. If you married after 1980, however, your prospects are not as rosy. In fact, you are less likely than at any time since World War II to celebrate a Silver wedding anniversary — 25 years of marriage." [Go here to read the whole article: http://www.townhall.com/columnists/JaniceShawCrouse/2007/09/27/
married_today,_gone_tomorrow]

This was published 2 days after DH & I celebrated our Silver Anniversary. By the grace of God or downright stubbornness (probably both!) we are still together and enjoy each other's company. Our 'nest' is empty (most of the time!) as the youngest of 4 children went away to school this fall, and we have been pleasantly surprised to find we still have things to talk about other than the kids!

So to continue the celebration of our Anniversary, I would like to include here a tribute to other couples whose marriages have, by that same grace of God & personal stubbornness, stood the test of time since 1980 (I've included a few married in the 70's as well since we are all essentially part of the same generation). If you're our friend and I missed you, let me know, and I'll include you in a later post!
[Alphabetical by first name]

Arlene & Dave R. 70's
Barb & Charlie R. '81?
Barb & Lee H. '70's
Bev & Court B. '82
Bill & Becky E. '82
Bud & Barb S. '70's
Chris & Karen P. '70's
Chuck & Becky K. '81
Chuck & Debbie B. '76
Colleen & Yudi B. '72
Dan & Audrey S. '81
David & Sharon F. '70's
Dee & Patty B. '70's
Dianne & Andy S. '79?
Eben & Sue C. '70's
Founeke & Ane D. '70's
Gene & Dawn M. '76?
Greg & Heather S. '74-ish?
Jeanie & Larry M. '81
Jim & Barb R. '70's
Larry & Stephanie K.
Martin & Luzia M.
Moise & Rebecca D.
Narci & Glenn H. '79
Paul & Kitty T. '78?
Randy & Anita T.
Ray & Deb H.
Rick & Carol R. '70's
Rita & Ron F.
Sandy & Gary G. '78?
Tad & Jane H.
Tom & Ruth H. '70's

Empty Nest Syndrome

"I missed them, but of the two of us, I think it was worse for Allie. She may have been a painter, but she was first and foremost a mother, and once the kids were gone, it was like she wasn't exactly who she was anymore. At least for a while, anyway." The Wedding (Nicholas Sparks), p. 59

This week we took the last of our 4 children to boarding school. She is 12, in 8th grade, and has been more than ready to go for over a year. But, oh, it has been soooo hard letting her go. Every now and then I say (only half teasing), "Remember, Susanna, if you want to stay home, just say the word..." and I get the typical adolescent, "Mo-om!" in reply.

So now, all 4 of our children are in Senegal, DD#1 as an English teacher, and the other 3 as students (only DD#2 actually has her big sister for a class, DS will have her next year). They are absolutely thrilled to all be together, as you can imagine (altho they are not living together in one place).

I'm not handling this Empty Nest stuff very well. I've been struggling with this all summer, having bouts of depression and so on. It's not so much losing the kids; it's: what do I do with myself now? The work I did in the local church before I started home schooling is all being done by Malians now -- and that's GOOD, we are supposed to work ourselves out of a job! So now I have to find another niche for myself. It would be nice if there were an office or a school for me to go work in, but it doesn't work that way. There's plenty to be done, but you have to be somewhat of a self-starter -- and I am pretty weak in that area!

I've started making lists of things I can do. But I don't want this to be just 'busy work.' And I don't want to do things which a local person could do, thus depriving them of a job/ministry. I plan to spend more time traveling with Jim on his many bush trips, and he will be glad have to have me with him. I may also have to start studying the Fulani language. I don't expect to become fluent (after 9 years he is not), but people always appreciate that you make the effort and it builds bridges.

On the other hand, having left off the kids... maybe it IS about losing them!

Where I've been...

I was somewhat shocked to see that I have not been to this site for over 3 mos., since April 25 ! I went to the States in May to attend DD#1's grad from college. We are so very proud of her. She graduated summa cum laude in English & Adolescence Education. She's even talking about getting her Ph.D someday. Meanwhile, she is coming to teach HS English at Dakar Academy for the next 2 years. For the next year, at least, all 4 of my children will be in the same place.

On the other hand, this also means DD#3 is leaving us to go to boarding school in 2 weeks, leaving us with an empty nest. I am surprised at how much this is bothering me, as it has been long anticipated. I am consequently going thru some sort of a Mid-life Crisis (as dramatic as that sounds!) and bordering on depression.

My Kids R Home!

Ruthanne (Lizzi) & Benjamin got home from Dakar yesterday for Spring Break! They actually left 2 days early b/c our Brazilian co-worker, Alliné de Mota, was returning from a 3-month medical leave. She was to come on Tuesday, so I wrote and asked if she could delay just a couple days, b/c it also saved me making a trip out there and back. They all rode as far as Tamba with Walter, one of the other Brazilian miss'ys who was going to Kédougou, then got a bush taxi to the border, where we picked them up as usual. The only 'glitch' in the whole thing was that the kids were being picked up at 5am and Ben's clock didn't go off! But Walter had forgotten something and had to run home, so they got him up and he was dressed when he got back. It's soooooooo great to have them here!